


i am gonna teach your boyfriend how to dance with you

by poiregourmande



Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Slutty Drunk Ned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-11 00:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16464821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poiregourmande/pseuds/poiregourmande
Summary: Ned is drunk. And slutty. And Eugene has to teach him how to dance for Ariel.Except he's got this huge crush on both of them.Yeah.





	i am gonna teach your boyfriend how to dance with you

It was all Ariel’s fault, really. Everybody knows Ned can never tell his wife no. Even against his better judgment.   
  
So when she sighs and goes, “God we haven’t gone dancing in _ages_ ,” and looks at him with puppy dog eyes, Ned knows it’s just a matter of time before he’s done for. He doesn’t want to go out dancing – he’s a poor dancer, clubs are too noisy and crowded, drinks are overpriced. He just wants to cuddle his wife and kid, have a nice glass of wine, and go to bed at a reasonable hour.   
  
“You should take me dancing this weekend!” Ariel says, like the idea _just_ occurred to her.   
  
“Becky and I can take care of Wes,” Keith says, effectively demolishing Ned’s first line of defence, because he likes seeing Ned suffer.   
  
“You would?” Ariel says sweetly, like she isn’t winning the battle with every word. “Oh, we’re gonna have so much fun, Ned!”  
  
Eugene snorts. “Fun? Dancing with Ned? Sure, if you like the Fuckboy Thrust,” he says, getting up to demonstrate a very pelvis-involved type of – well, it would be generous to call that dancing.   
  
“I’m a very good dancer!” Ned protests, eager to defend his skills even though two minutes ago the very last thing he wanted to do was go dancing. “We did Irish step, ballet, k-pop, boybands...”  
  
“And you promptly forgot everything as soon as we said _that’s a wrap!_ ”  
  
“I can one hundred percent show my wife a good time and I’ll prove it to you!”  
  
“Ooooooh,” Zach says lewdly, wiggling his eyebrows, and Ned realizes what he just said.   
  
“With dancing! Show her a good time while dancing! God, you’re all insufferable. Honey, get your dancing shoes, we’re going out.”  
  
 _Thank you_ , Ariel mouths to the boys as Ned pulls her in his wake.   
  
***  
  
 _Eugene you gotta help me you’re the best dance coach I know_  
  
Eugene smirks at the text. Looks like Ned does need his help to show his wife a good time, after all.   
  
Eugene joins them at the club around 10 – way too early for his tastes, but that’s married couples for you.   
  
Ned and Ariel look incredible. Ariel in a dark purple dress that hugs her just right. Ned just nicely scruffy, with a good button-down and pants that are slightly too tight for Eugene’s poor little queer heart.   
  
Eugene has always been way too into Ned and Ariel. Most of it probably has to do with how married they are – Eugene’s fear of commitment relaxes around them cause there’s no risk of it developing into anything.   
  
So he pines from afar, plays a neverending game of gay chicken with Ned, flirts with Ariel within an inch of her life, secure in the way they always laugh it off. Always have, always will.   
  
“Looking good, babes,” he drawls as he approaches them.   
  
Ariel blushes as he kisses her cheek hello. “Thanks for coming,” she says. “Ned is always a little less hopeless when you’re around.”  
  
“He’s a good student,” Eugene concedes. “Just lacks proper practice.”  
  
He leads Ned to the bar with an arm slung carelessly around his neck. “First lesson,” Eugene declares, “shots.”  
  
Ned chuckles. “How is that a lesson? Eugene, I’m here to dance, not get drunk!”  
  
“Shhh,” Eugene soothes, pressing a finger against Ned’s lips – _don’t start thinking about Ned’s lips!_ “You sweet summer child. Shots will loosen you up just enough so that you don’t move like a robot, and will loosen Ariel up just enough so that she thinks you’re good.”  
  
“And you?”  
  
“Teacher’s fee.” Eugene winks.   
  
They bring a tray of shots back to the table and Ariel’s eyes go wide.   
  
“Is this really nec–“ she starts, but Eugene pushes a shotglass in her hand.   
  
“Honey babygirl, your husband’s white. He needs a lil som’n-som’n if you want him to learn how to move.”  
  
“Fair enough,” she says, and knocks back the shot before Eugene can even grab his own.   
  
He grins. Girl knows how to party.  
  
Eugene cuts Ned off after three shots – Drunk Ned can turn into Sleepy Ned pretty quickly since the baby came, and they need Ned awake and psyched tonight.   
  
“Alright,” Eugene says, “show me what you’ve got.”  
  
Ned smirks lewdly as his eyes fly to his belt buckle.   
  
“Jesus, Ned, _on the dance floor_ ,” Eugene stops him, though it pains him. He’d very much like to see what Ned’s got, but this is not the right time and place.  
  
So here Eugene goes, heroically ignoring his thirst, and pulls Ned in the middle of the dance floor.   
  
The place is almost empty, it’s still early, and Eugene figures it’s a good thing because this way Ned can learn without everyone’s eyes on him.   
  
“Go,” he tells Ned, waiting to see what they’re working with.   
  
A hot mess, is what they’re working with.   
  
Ned flails, thrusts, and wiggles all at once. Not even an inkling of following the beat of the music. And to top it all off? He’s making eyes at Eugene and trying to crowd his personal space.   
  
This shouldn’t be hot. Eugene doesn’t want to think it’s hot.   
  
But he does.   
  
Because apparently Ned after three shots is kind of a slut. He looks at Eugene like he wants to undress him, leans in close to breathe into his ear, and thrusts his hips wildly.   
  
Eugene can work with that.   
  
“Okay, okay,” he says, pinning Ned’s arms down. “Stop flailing. Follow my lead.”   
  
It takes a while but Eugene, hands on Ned’s hips, manages to make him sway into the beat. “Yeah, you got this,” Eugene whispers. “That’s it.”   
  
He doesn’t really think about what he’s saying, but he can see shivers raising on Ned’s neck, can hear a tiny whimper escape his lips. Ned’s arms go from hanging limply at his sides to wrapping around Eugene’s neck.   
  
The bass thumps through his blood, mixing in with his pulse, mixing in with Ned’s pulse on the back of Eugene’s neck, pushing them closer until their hips are flush together. Eugene’s hands slide to Ned’s ass, Ned’s face hides in the crook of Eugene’s neck. He can feel Ned’s warm breath on his skin, can feel his parted lips.   
  
Eugene catches Ariel’s eye across the slowly filling-up room. The intensity in her gaze is like nothing he’s ever seen. She raises a shot glass to him and downs it with a smirk. A challenge. A permission.   
  
Eugene leans away slightly, to look at Ned, delighted to find his fingers stuttering to keep him close. He tilts Ned’s chin up.   
  
“Do you want this?”  
  
Ned’s gaze is dark and burning, but his smile is coy. “Depends on what this is.”  
  
Eugene’s carefully crafted walls crumble. “Me.”  
  
“You know I’m a package deal,” Ned says, with a jerk of his head towards Ariel.   
  
Eugene beckons her over. “Yeah I know.”  
  
Ariel strides over and plasters herself across Ned’s back. They share a meaning-charged glance before turning to Eugene.   
  
Twin looks, open like Eugene could never be. Trusting. Hungry.   
  
And for once, he’s not afraid. He gives himself to them. Follows their lead.


End file.
